you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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