Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
