my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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