Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
