Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
