u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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