RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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