That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
50% drunk capacity currently
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
