I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
