so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
