I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
