The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
