the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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