He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
