im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
