I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
