I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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