Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
