I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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