He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
MIDGETS
????
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
