You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
