I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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