did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize