**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
