Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize