My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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