I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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