i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
