if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
