Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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