I got chris browned last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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