Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
