Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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