i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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