Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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