it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
