he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
