I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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