I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
