this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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