Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
