If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My pussy is not your playground.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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