No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
