you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize