just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
