i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
