this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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