they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This baby is an asshole
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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