You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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