She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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