In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize