I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just google imaged poop.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
