Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
