I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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