porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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