Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
vagina is talking i cant
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize