At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
