New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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