Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
