i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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