She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
