I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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