Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
