My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
