I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
