I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize