it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
