I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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