We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
